Truths for Mature Humans, By – Some Guy (or Gal)

A few years ago, I came across this list. It is not mine (I don’t know the author), but contains some true gems. As many of my old students head off to college I feel the need to post them:

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Google Maps really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection… again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids look younger and younger every year?

29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!


8 thoughts on “Truths for Mature Humans, By – Some Guy (or Gal)

  1. Michelle

    First of all, I LOL through this whole thing. I remember reading it before at some point…I think!
    #5 I still wonder about # 5 but I am sure Martha Stewart knows!
    #6 I for a fact still use cursive! I hardly ever print!
    #7 I agree but you would be surprised at how many people really don’t! lol
    #8 After reading one, I always ask, “Damn, I wonder how they died?”
    #11 I think today might be one of those days…it is Friday (as I am replying to this post at work)!
    #13 Think it ever time but I save it EVERY time…just in case
    #18 Mine has one (it’s an old refrigerator) but it doesn’t work.
    #22 Do it ALL the time! But not so much these days. Back is no bueno!
    #23 Wait! You are suppose to be texting at all. HA! Yeah right! AGREE!
    #24 Might explain my weight gain!
    #25 Do this a lot with Adam. He mumbles too much!

    After all that, I think I will be sharing this via my blog later today. I probably should get back to work!

  2. Michelle Nelson

    I thought number 1 was hilarious! I agree with #4, I always have to rethink my text messages since I want to say something that others will probably take seriously. Number 28, I agree too! I remember looking at my grandpa’s year book and thinking to myself “Wow, they look like they are in their 30’s already!” Then I look at my sister’s yearbook and think “Wow, are they really old enough to drive?” I think it is worse when you see 8th graders tower over you. I am 25 yr old woman looking up to a 14yr kid. This just doesn’t seem right.

    1. Jennifer Lockett Post author

      Every Fall I look at my students and go, “Wow. You just grew two feet over the summer. How did that happen?” Must be all the the hormones in food today.

  3. Jim Wheeler

    An amusing list all right.

    Re #13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. — Get an Apple computer – its software reads your mind and does what you expect – save it.

    23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text. — This one scared me.

    Here is a nomination for:

    #26. My life got a lot less stressful after I gradually understood the difference between success and happiness. Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. 😀


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